There is so much feeling inside in regards to the Farm it is very difficult for me to put it into words. In short, the farm is my sanctuary. It seems to be the one place that I am able to make a break from my life at home and turn off everything I have left behind. It is the one place I can stand in the midst of the beauty of God’s creation knowing He is there and I will see Him when I seek Him there. My husband is my only link to real life when I am there as he is not able to spend as much time with us due to work. I am very blessed he allows our girls and I all the time in the summer we want to go hang out on the farm.
Jimmy – I never really understood what equine therapy was when I first met Rose and she said that is what she does. I had a once in a lifetime experience with a horse named Jimmy on her farm in California. I know God put me on that hillside one day to do a work in my heart. I knew I was going to tell my troubles to one of the horses that day but didn’t know which one. I also knew I didn’t want an audience as there were a few others on the farm that day. I walked to the bottom corral where a big brown horse was watching me. I just started praying as I hung on the fence. I dumped core on an issue that involved 4 people who had deeply hurt my daughter and I and it had turned into a deep seeded hatred that had me full of anger. As I prayed for God to take my anger and help me to forgive these people as I didn’t see how as none thought they did any wrong. So hard to forgive those who don’t acknowledge any wrongdoing. Anyway, as I hung on the rail, praying and crying, this horse never broke contact with me. He pressed the side of his face to mine, pulled my shoulder with his chin, breathed in my ear. He was doing his best to hug me as I told him my story. When I was done and had actually released my anger to God, I looked at this horse and he was smiling at me! I knew it was God smiling at me telling me He was there and this moment was for me. He was proud of me and smiled through this horse to prove it. God spoke so deeply into my heart that day in a time I wasn’t even sure He was listening as this hatred was so deep and strong and dark. I am so thankful I had my camera with me as I took a picture of this God smile. At some point another horse came up behind him and he reared up his back legs kicking until the other horse walked away. I was shocked as the ground under my feet shook. He then gently walked back to me and hung his head to my chest letting me know he was back with me. I remember being shocked at this incredible display of power as he chased the other horse away from us. I realized that as I hung over the fence with my eyes closed only caught up in my own drama, I blindly trusted a massive animal I did not know that could have bitten my ear off as easily as he breathed his warm breath into it. As I got back into my head and studied the smile, I thought it was just that he was old and his lip was saggy and I just hadn’t noticed it at first. As I later met with Rose in the house, we talked about what had just happened. I asked her the name of the “big brown horse at the bottom of the hill that looks like he stepped in motor oil up to his elbows as his legs are black. The one with the saggy lip that looks like he smiles. She looked at me like I was crazy. She has about 40 horses, many were brown and ALL of them were big. I showed her the picture. She laughed and said it was Jimmy but she had never seen him smile before. At that moment it was confirmed that it was God smiling at me through Jimmy!
Soon after this Rose moved her farm to Oregon. I assumed I would never see her or Jimmy again as Oregon is so far away. Rose and I bonded during the time I had helped her pack up and get ready for the move. Actually, I offered to help her so I could spend time with the animals on breaks. She quickly became the sister I never had. Almost from the start she has felt like family and has welcomed and accepted my family into her home and her life. She said we would have to come visit but I wasn’t sure how it would happen. As I had kept talking about the amazing experience I had with Jimmy and wanting to see him again, or have God speak to me again through him, my husband encouraged me to take our girls up for a visit as he could not take time off work to go with us. I had never done anything like that before but I drove 1,000 miles to see Jimmy and Rose, of course. We were only able to stay for 8 days. It was the most amazing time I had ever had. It was a great adventure for me and my girls. 20 acres, 40+ horses, baby goats and their mammas, bunnies, chickens, roosters, ducks. Rose welcomed us with open arms and gave us carte blanche to her home and her farm. The day after we arrived, I went in search of Jimmy. I was almost desperate to have God speak to me again. After searching almost the entire farm, I was in the last corral with about 8 horses who were almost all the right color but had fly masks so I couldn’t see their faces. I was a bit overwhelmed when I realized I was completely surrounded by these beautiful horses who all wanted my attention. I started talking in an attempt to keep myself calm. I was scratching a horse that I thought could be Jimmy but he wasn’t smiling. I said, “I think this is you Jimmy but I really need to see you smile so I know for sure it is you.” I was in shock as he turned his head towards me with a huge smile! From that moment on, I knew that was only the first of many visits to the farm. I have not had another encounter like the one on the hill in CA, but I know that is where I feel closest to Him as all encumbrances of my life are not present.
We jumped in with any chore Rose allowed us to do. Helping with feedings, filling water buckets, pulling weeds, mucking stalls, feeding babies. We work our butts off and love it. It has become my mission each trip to rid the property of the Tansy Ragwort that is poisonous to horses. After 3 summers I feel I have finally gotten the upper hand on that weed! That has been a very fulfilling accomplishment for me. I am in awe as my daughters find their favorite animals and complete the jobs they are given. I am not sure if they share the same love for horses that I have but they love being able to walk a horse anywhere it may need to be moved too. The confidence they feel in being able to lead a massive animal is huge. I must say that one of our favorite chores has been imprinting upon the baby pygmy goats. They are sooo cute and adorable. Well, there is also feeding the foal whose mamma wasn’t producing enough milk for him, and then assisting CJ, the goat, as she struggled to deliver Miracle, who is named that as it is a miracle he survived as he was so big he was stuck and CJ wasn’t able to push him out, or Myla the sheep who doesn’t like people finally accept me and come to me for lovin. It is also a tradition that we go to Winco and buy the 25lb. bags of carrots that we give to almost every animal for treats. So many great moments.
Over the past 3 summers we have been blessed to have spent time on the farm, I love watching my girls as they grow in their self-confidence as they interact with all of the animals from the small gentle animals to the horses. We each have our favorites, Jimmy of course is still my number 1, but each one has a special place in my heart. We have also learned the hard lessons of life as there have been several deaths while we have been there. The birth of Miracle was definitely a counter to the deaths. Praying during the year as some of the animals have struggles with illness has been a good life lesson too.
This fall I was given the opportunity to become the Farm Manager for a week while Rose was away. I spent 15 days on the farm while I left my family at home to fend for themselves. I had not been gone alone more than a weekend, ever. I was thrilled yet scared as there was a huge responsibility in caring for 45 horses, 17 goats, 2 llamas, 1 black sheep, numerous chickens, ducks, roosters, turkeys, bunnies, 7 cats, and 2 dogs. I made it though the first full day on my own and told the woofer, “this was a great first day, nothing died”. She thought it was odd, but I told her my fear was an animal getting hurt or dying while I was in charge. She said, “yes, then it was a great day!”. I am very proud of myself for taking on the responsibility as there were a few moments of anxiety. I would take it to Jimmy. I still can’t believe Rose would entrust all that she has to my care. I guess I proved myself the previous summer when my girls and I were the Mon-Fri employee and the Woofer as they both suffered injuries that took them away from the farm. I thought God had me there for that month to help Rose in their absence. I had no clue that He was preparing me for these 15 days! Again God has touched me through this farm. I had struggled a bit as this last trip was coming to an end that I had missed what God had planned for me during these 15 days. Yes, I had a restful time not having to take care of anyone but me, on my own schedule. And being able to spend hours at a time without another human in sight was total peace. The week after I got home there was a guest pastor speaking at church. He dug into Psalm 23. As he went in depth into each line of the psalm, it came to life for me as I could see a different area of the farm or an experience I had. The green pastures were the tufts of grass miraculously emerging out of the horse poop. The quiet waters were the stream at the bottom of the Mare’s pasture. He described “other water”, as being vile and not safe to drink, this was the standing water in Anne and Princessa’s corral where the water had been trapped in the deep hoof prints in the mud as it had rained. As this was not just water. He definitely restored my soul with peace of mind. The Valley of the Shadow of Death brought me back to the thunderstorm that passed over the property the summer before and the while Rose was hours away, the 19-year-old woofer and I had to walk 3 stallions from the hot walker to their stalls in the Big Barn. There was a horizontal lightning bolt that traversed through the property between me, in the open arena, and the back tree line of the property. The thunder was deafening. If thunder struck at any time we were walking them, either one of us could have been killed. We definitely felt Gods hand of protection on us that day! I now call the farm my Psalm 23 Sanctuary.
As my daughter Jessica is starting high school and we are talking about what she might like to do with her life, she says she wants to work with animals doing something like Rose does on her farm. She doesn’t want to be a veterinarian, but a trainer or rescue. Her plan at this point is to attend the America’s Teaching Zoo program at Moorpark College and the Arabian Horse Unit at Cal Poly Pomona. God had given her an amazing role model to look up to. Rose I thank you for the example you are for her as she grows and discovers what she wants to be. She is hoping to intern with you in her college years. From the very first visit in California Rose said it was a healing property. I call it my sanctuary. When I get stressed and I need to escape life, I revisit the farm through my pictures and videos. The farm is such a part of who I am that it is in my thoughts on a daily basis. I have the picture of Jimmy’s first smile on my fridge as a daily reminder of God’s love for me. The wallpaper on my phone and email screen are farm pics. I have come to see that the blessing of the farm is my reward for the painful trial that led me to that hilltop with Jimmy in the first place. If that ugly hatred had not happened, I doubt that I would have ever considered driving 1,000 miles to see a horse smile. Now it is just assumed that is where my girls and I will go every summer.
Thank you Rose for sharing your blessing with us by allowing us to make your farm, our farm. I love you my dear sister.
